By
Gary GambinoAs a result of my recent re-entry into the fascinating world of sports journalism, I must confess to being a tad rusty. Sure, I peruse ESPN.com daily, watch SportsCenter and my 11:00 local sportscast religiously, and devour the sports section of The (Louisville) Courier-Journal, yet I must admit to having lost a step on occasion when it comes to quick recall and detailed knowledge of the modern era.
However, I hold this truth to be self-evident: The San Antonio Spurs are no dynasty. I'll even go you one further:
they are the most unimpressive four-time champions of my lifetime. I mean, these guys make the 1988 Los Angeles Dodgers look like the 1927 Yankees, if I may mix sporting metaphors. No wonder the recent Finals sweep by the Spurs had me screaming like the late Clara Peller from the old Wendy's commercials, "WHERE'S THE BEEF?"
Let me tell you why I am so unimpressed:
* The Spurs' first title, in 1999, really shouldn't count. It came after a lengthy, contentious labor disagreement and a truncated 50-game season. If you're counting (and I am), that's a smidge under 61 percent of a full season. The strike-shortened 1982 NFL season, by comparison, weighed in at 9 games, which is 56.25 percent of the full 16. And yet every week of the football season is filled with references to "any NON-STRIKE season since..." So it should be with the 1999 NBA season.
* The Spurs weren't even able to cobble together two consecutive championships during their run. That speaks volumes.
* Tim Duncan seems, upon first inspection, to be a class act. He doesn't have six kids to six different women, engage in domestic violence, have a gun-toting posse, owe back taxes or do most of the things associated with the NBA's gradual slide from respectability. That said, he is the biggest whiner alive. He has perfected the "Who, me?" expression of feigned innocence until it just makes me want to hurl. Get over it, Timmy boy.
* As for the rest of this band of thugs, when they're not kneeing groins or hip-checking point guards into scorer's tables, they share Duncan's whininess. Yuck. Did they win the Western Conference of the NBA or WWE? Or are they a bunch of drama queens? Or both?
* Don't take my word for it. Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City Star opined of the recent Finals between the Spurs and LeBron James...I mean the Cleveland Cavaliers, "Well, Tuesday night, the Spurs and the Cavaliers backed an SUV over the head of the NBA's prone body, playing quite possibly the most unwatchable championship game in the league's history." (I guess Whitlock also tuned out to watch the finale of The Sopranos). Whitlock also referred to the series as "disgusting." True dat.
* Even Spurs coach or, more accurately, wrestling manager Gregg Popovich chimed in, saying, "We set the Western world of offensive basketball back 10 years." Duh.
Dynasty, my butt.